Remember those resolutions and changes

It is March and I am looking at that last post. It is funny how times flies and you realize that your to-do list will not finish itself. But on the other side I realize that if these things were really, really important then I would do them without a second thought.

Besides the above I have also been trying to make some decisions in my life. Not earth-shattering but rather quality of life type of stuff. For the past year I have been working 2 jobs and grad school. The last month I have been pondering why I was doing all of this and that I needed to change it. I had some clear reasons for job #2. Pay off some med bills, have play $$, not have to budget so much, etc... The last few weeks I have realized that job #2 might not be helping me as much as I thought. I ended up spending alot on drive-thru as i jetted between jobs/school, my hip pain returned & I had no time for workouts, my time was so budgeted that I had no time to spend the $$ I was earning.

With all this said I still feel guilty about quitting. Maybe it is because I compare myself to those around me who are working/school/kids or friends who are still working 2 jobs and rarely sleep. Maybe it is the expectations that we and society place on us to be the ultimate jugglers. Or it might be a part of me still scarred from events of the past that feel I better have options, 'just in case'.

But even as cheap as I am, I really like my down-time. I want to be able to sleep in on the weekends/go to the park and not have to cram everything in a few hours on Sat evening.  I also worry that in a few months I will look back and I haven't enjoyed the extra time. I know this guilt is so silly.

So the cheap/over-achieving side of me is fighting with the fun-loving side. Right now I think that the fun-loving side is winning but the other side of myself is putting up a good fight.